representational pictures
representational pictures

The bond of Marriage is a thing dreaded by one n all. Getting your hands into this pot is a big ask. The ones, who do, suffer and ones, who don’t, regret later. So to sum it up, you’re a loser anyway. This summation is for most of us from the urban class. There is a larger class out there, where marriage is altogether a different game.

Year ends are termed as The Wedding Season; where thousands of Indians get into the bonds of holy matrimony. Painstaking planning and shit load of coordination involved, it’s a big task at hand. As the saying goes, marriage isn’t just a bond between two people, but two families. A lot of thought is put into planning everything. Right from the awkward tea gathering, couple meeting each other for the first time. The uneasy pause of sudden silence, family members dramatically move out under the pretext of privacy, to the fake smiles put on from both sides is a common sight amongst arranged matchmaking scenario. All hell breaks loose once the couple flags a positive outcome. All those fake smiles suddenly become genuine. Burst of emotions flare up amongst the parents, Ladka ke sidewalle thinking peti pack sanskari bahu apne ghar ayegi… while the girls sides think, pai lagu types well settled banda finally mil gaya, ek bada boojh kum hua types. Ab isko jaldi niptao is what’s on everyone’s minds.

Sala, hindi movies ke bakwas plots are clogging my brains at this so called inspirational scene scripted above. But never mind, needed to warm up to get a fair picture as to how for generations, chai ke naam pe ones children’s are “itemising” at desi hookups.

Apart from the usual, baap ka history and so called khandan ka geography… Ladke ka character aur career are sugar coated to picture perfection, this entire pitch will put any leading institute’s MBA degree holders life’s work to shame. On the flip side, the girl’s parents try their level best to outdo the guy’s. If you are an outsider and happen to chance upon an event as such, you feel ke sala kya sales pitch mara hai ek dusreko. Lingerie ke shop mein jis confidence se dukandar customers ka size bhaap leta hai, ussey bhi jyada perfection se parents apne bacche ke imaginary talents ko market karte hai. At times, ladka/ladki starts doubting if they really are this good. These parental conversations are ‘the ice breakers’ for such would-be-ready couple’s. This imaginary boost of confidence fools them into thinking ke woh Shaadi ke leye actually tayar hai.

Beda gargh hona yeahi se shuru hota hai.

So, once this so called Indian adult child; who never grow up in age nor brains in the eyes of those parents, is sold into the idea of being marriage ready material, it’s war time for the families. Uncle’s and Auntie’s pop up from nowhere like mushrooms in a wild field. Suddenly you see an army of cousin’s ready to cash in on the chance. Everyone seeks their share of glory. Why not, that’s what large Indian families are for. We do not grow our clan in numbers unnecessary. In times like these, we show our unity to instigate others help addup to the numbers further more in an already overpopulated country.

Within this crowd of over enthusiasts helpers, there will always be a old Dadi types who will never cease to utter that one dialog; ab beta paida karo. Well, the families are barely getting the arraignments discussed and this oldie already wishes to get a grandchild, that to super quick, like a jhatpat lottery. So desperate are we to jump into a child breeding program, hardly anyone pauses to wonder if the ones getting hitched have any say in all of this at all. Now, may be times are changing and this is not the case with most of us, the educated ones I mean, but largely across the board, this is a common problem.

The day a child is born, all the parents can think of is, see them grow quick, get them married off and push them on the breeding program. Hence I call them Jumpers. All they do is Jump, from on event to the other. Not pausing to sit back and think about what their children wish for in life. They make them helpless, naive and puppets. Puppets to an age old churn mill program. Never do anything out of the box & live life as it’s suppose to be. Grow, Marry, Breed and Die, but before hitting his grave, suggest the next generations to breed quick to keep the Jumping Program into continuation.

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